Chapter 1: Volume 2

So, I got your text this morning, during my planning period, and I was visibly shook all day. My students could see it all over my face.

I couldn't think of what to do.

What does a girl do when the man she was falling so hard for apparently doesn't want her anymore? I thought.

"I know" I responded to myself.

I'll go check out some networking sites! Besides, there are always men on there looking for some chick to get with. I guess I wasn’t thinking. I wanted to meet someone like you, but anything was better than feeling the loneliness I felt without having you in my life.

I’m not gonna think about it!

As I erected my page, I looked through my phone to find my most fierce and sexy pictures. How can I spin this? I contemplated.

Ok, I want to meet a nice guy that will take me out (maybe I’ll get a relationship out of the deal), so I needed to use a more plain photo. As I looked at the other female photos online, I knew there was no way I could compete with any of them. I mean, there’s no way I’m sticking out my tongue, while I sit there half-naked with my butt or breasts sticking or hanging out. No matter how desperate I was, No matter how much was hurting, No matter what I went through and how bad I felt, I wasn’t going to discount myself. If they were going to know anything about me, they would know that I had integrity, values and intellect.

I kept it clean.

I don't wanna be with no body that ain't worth somethin'. I mean, if I can't have you, I have to have someone closely related to the likes of you!

I received over a hundred views the first day and just as many notes. Wow! Subsequent to that day, I had so many hits and notes daily that I couldn't read them all! As I attempted to sift through them, my method of sifting through the massive list of people was to find a pattern: …some guys were really interested...Maybe I'll respond to the ones who sent me multiple messages because they really wanted to talk to me. They're very interested! I thought.

I gave out my number to about twenty guys. Twenty, yea that should be enough, I contemplated. Yea, that'll keep me from thinking about "you-know-who," I prognosticated.

The calls started coming almost immediately after I sent my number.

The first guy, SEXYPAPA69, started telling me about his "member" as soon as we started talking:

"So, what you gon do wit deese ten inches girl?" he said proudly.

I could see his chest stuck out through the phone.

"Umm, excuse me?" I replied stupefied

"Stop actin' like you don't know what I'm talkn abt sexy mama, you know I wanna..."

Sorry babe, can't tell you much about him, I hung up. That was the end of that. SEXYPAPA69 wasn't anything like you (or anyone else I wanted to be with) AND I don't think he was born in 69, if you know what I mean.

The next guy to call me was DIGGINUSOHARD. I didn't think it would be that bad.

"Hello, may I speak to Yolanda?"

"This is she" and I'm thinking Didn't I tell you in the note that this is my personal cell phone?

"I'm so glad you gave me your number sweetheart. I promise you won't regret it because you gonna be mines. Your search is ova baby. I can tell you is the woman I needs in my life. All you gotta do is jus gi me a chance and Ima rock yo worl! I ain't playin' eitha..."

He continued on like that for at least 20 minutes.

"Okay, I..." He interrupts...

"I know what you thinkin' baby and I ain't yo average man. I don't drink, smoke or even go outside. I'm a homebody. You ain't gotta worry about me cheatin' on you or nothin'! I will wine and dine you right here in my house. I will rub yo feet...lick 'em if you want me to..."

He went on like that for another 30 minutes.

"Well, I..." He cuts me off...

"Sweetie, I looked at all yo pictures...You is fine. I'm lookin at yo picture right now. The one with you in the green top, it's like you lookin' right at me. I can imagine that's how you gonna look when I'm makin' sweet passionate love to you. Yea, while I'm strokin' you..."

My phone beeps. I look at the number. I don't recognize it and I think.

He doesn't need me for this conversation. Let me click over. He won't even know I'm gone.

He didn't.

I clicked over and there was another guy. By now you know what I'm thinking: What have I done?

"Yolanda, is that you?"

[sigh] "Yes"

"Am I catching you at a bad time?"

"No, I just had a bad experience. That's all"

"What happened?"

" I gave the wrong people my phone number and now I feel slightly violated."

"Oh yea, I've done that myself. You have to be careful who you give your number to on there. I had to find that out the hard way."

Okay I thought He sounds pretty reasonable. I think I might be able to talk to him. Maybe I need to click back over and let the other dude off the phone.

"Could you hold on for a second please?"

"Sure thing" he replied

When I clicked back over, he was still going at it.

"See, the way I do it baby, is I like to turn my lady on the side and..."

"Hey," I said gently.

"...and I like to start off lickin' on..."

"HEY" I said with a little more force

"...and then I gently start to nibble on her..."

"MY GOODNESS MAN HEY!

"What? You gon be rude and cut me off like that?! What's wrong with you? You don't appreciate a good man?! See, that's what's wrong with ya'll black women. That why yo @$$ is on the internet tryin’ at fine a date in na first place..."

I had to hang up because I was sure, no matter what I said, he would never hear me.

I clicked back over to the sensible guy.

"Sorry it took me so long. Then guys just kept going on and on. When I tried to cut in, he cussed me out. I had to disconnect from him."

"I fully understand."

Me and the new guy talked on the phone for about a week. The new guys seemed nice, but I could tell he had a short fuse.

"Get the f@#k out of my way OLD LADY! Man I swear some old people don't need a f@#kn driver's license! D@mmit!...[changing back into the him I knew] sorry baby. I'm working on that."

"Okay"

Out of the twenty I gave my number to, I had more of the first two guys and I wasn't interested not even a little bit. I thought I was good though because this guys, minus the negative tirades, seemed to be a keeper.

Then came the big question:

"So, I'm dyin’ to meet you. When are we going to meet Yolanda?"

I wasn't really ready to meet him. However, I didn't know whether or not I was really ready to meet anyone. I hoped At least this means I could have a date. Maybe then I could get you off of my mind:

Our long conversations and playful bantering. It seemed that I hadn't met anyone I could remotely compare to you. We were so silly together. You disrobed me in a way no one had ever been able to.

I knew the bottom was falling out of what we had, but I held on for one last day with you. One last hour with you. One last waking moment next to you. One last smile. One last laugh. I wanted it to last until it ended and, even though I didn't want it to end, I wanted you to end it. I knew I never could.

Do you remember all of those times I told you:

"I just can't do this anymore. I know this is going to end badly and I am going to be the one hurt. You're going to walk away from me and I'm going to be all alone trying to heal from you spoiling me.

Oh how you spoiled me!

You took such good care of me. You called me everyday to make sure I was okay and that's what I wanted. It was exactly what I needed.



"Hello" He said

[Snapping out of it]

Dang it Yolanda! FOCUS! This guy, this guy!! He wants you to go out with him! Forget about "You-know-who..." he has definitely forgotten about you!

"Oh, sorry...ummmm. When will you be here?" I stated apologetically

"I'll be there Saturday. You weren't listening to anything I said were you? Where is your head today Yolanda?"

"I just have so much on my mind...I'm so sorry. Okay, Saturday...sure" I said hoping this date would obliterate your presence from my thinking.

"Sounds good. I just can't wait to meet you"

"I feel the same way" I said.

Saturday came and I was ready to meet him. Day turned into night and I hadn't received a phone call. I felt a little depressed and just as I was going to call on of the "sex" guys, he finally called me.

"Hi Yolanda, you ready to meet?"

"Yes, where are we meeting" I said with anticipation. Then I started thinking He's gonna take me to a nice restaurant. Wine and dine me...it's gonna be beautiful. I need a break so bad...

"What do you like to eat?"

"I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat"

"Wow, I didn't know that. Hmmm"

"Well, there are plenty of places that have veggie dishes. I'll just get something veggie off of the menu. We can go anywhere"

"Go?"

"Uh, yea, we're going out right?"

"No"

"How are we gonna eat if we don't go out?"

"You're gonna come here."

"Where?"

"I got an extended stay suite. I'm cookin' here. I figured I would cook and we could watch a movie here"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Me and you in a hotel room? Why? Why can't wa go out?"

"You don't trust me?"

"I haven't met you"

"So, let me get this right, we've been talkin' on the phone for two weeks and you don't know me well enough to understand that. I'm not going to do anything to you? That's real messed up Yolanda!"

"Are you serious?! Did you really think I would come to a hotel room with you? I don't even know you!"

"Oh, I see! So, you expect me to take you out to eat and spend money on you and you can't spend no time with me? I don traveled more than an hour to come to Durham so I could see you and you have the nerve to tell ME no?!"

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"Because I don went and bought some wine and spend my f@#kn money on this room to come show you a good time and you ain't even gonna show up!"

"Look at how you're reacting. You're not even trying to think of whether or not this is a good move for me. It's all about you! I can't believe this. I don't know if you are crazy or not..." He interrupts me

"Everybody else knows I'm not crazy d@mmit!"

"Well, I don't!..."[trying to clam myself]

"You the d@mn problem! You the reason why don't got nobody [I'm thinkin' where did all of this hood come from?] It's yo fault. You expect a dude to wine and dine you and you aint givin up nuthn?! Well you ain't gon NEVA fine dat, real talk!"

"Wow!"

"What? You comin' or not?"

"Not! lose my number! BYE!"

CALL ENDED

Another one bites the dust!