I could say one thing for sure: 

“ Allowing you to love me made me accept myself more.” 

It wasn’t until I became intimate with you that I realized how

important it was for me to be happy. I can’t tell you how many 

times I found myself comparing other men to you.

I looked for them to have the same demeanor as you. 

I wanted them to be funny and lively. I hoped that we all had the

 same chemistry…maybe they would sing to me as you did and 

open me up the way I allowed you to…or at least they would 

want to open me up.

To me, you saw me as a diamond that needed to be cultivated. 

Never mind my rough edges and my insecurities, I was a flower 

to you…at least it seemed like I was. I guess in the front of my mind

I knew you and I would never be anything, but somewhere in the back

 of my mind, I hope that you and I would outlast the tests of time. 

I prayed that you would see me worthy of you so that I wouldn’t have to 

try alll of this love stuff again with a stranger.

I remember the day, after making what I thought was passionate love,  I said to you (as she throbbed with so much ecstacy inside of me) “Ummmmm…[moaning in unbridled passionate undertone and nearly out of breath] sometimes, when you’re inside of me, I just wanna scream [panting and breathing uncontrollably]…”

“Do it then” you replied.

“Let yourself go” You added.

“You’re safe with me. I want you to do whatever makes you happy [stroking my hair and looking me in the eye]. I just want to please you. Let me make you happy.”

You didn’t have to tell me twice. The next time we made love I screamed a symphony of passionate cries and I felt as though my insides would cave in. The vibrations and waves syncronized a healthy or unhealthy dose (I couldn’t tell which) of unrelenting craze throughout my soul. I couldn’t stop trembling and, before I knew it, I was calling out your name. Not a pet name or a nickname…your real name. My body went into uncontrollable convulsions; I’m not even sure whether it was cacophonous or euphonous all I knew was that it came from a place that was more pure than anything I had ever tried to pass off as an orgasm. My level of bodily awareness had transended anything I could have ever concieved or wished for and I knew there was no way I could forget it, or cease from craving it.

For a fleeting moment after you walked away, I thought I would never have that with anyone else, now that I understand the role I played in it. It wasn’t some strange medicine or witchcraft that you had beguiled me with…it was me. I understand that it was a choice I made and that I trusted you enough to allow myself to faint inside of you. You were my milk and honey and I wanted you and your bedroom thoughts of me as well as your day-time thoughts of me to collide in an ostentatious mess of brilliance. However, as time moved forward and both she and I waited for your return, we agreed that we could work together to make the man who truly loved us and kept us the best of what you had as well as what we still have to give.

We know that we will be able to provide him (whoever he shall be) with more love than he could possibly fathom. We just hoped that, as we take his breath away, afterwards, he can still breathe.