Why I Never Gave Up On You

A man

with strong desires

remembers the absence of his 

father

and the struggles of his mother

how

she could barely feed them

how 

she was always staring off

into the morning sun

froze solid in her dispair

trying to make a man out of a boy

teaching him all she could and weeping

when it seemed no one understood her boy

How she

worked hard

and barely got time to herself

for herself

slaving over hot stoves, cleanin' other folk's mess, travelin' up mountains for her babies

ensuring they all had hot meals, clean bodies and good manners

bellies and ears were full in her house

Why I Never Gave Up On You

Who saw dad everyday

but longed to know him

never knew him

watched him waste away

like some melting substance

dying at the bottom of his own

chasm

looking for his substance

praying for his life to begin

peering at his offspring

desiring to reach them

to touch them

to talk to them

release himself in them

that they would know 

that

somewhere in the deep

recesses of his soul

how 

He always saw them better

have better

want better

see better

Yet

he could never travel past 

the mirror without seeing

in his eyes 

the man his mother hated

for walking away

leaving 

her 

to live it out

to give what he never gave her

he, being broken 

broke his seed

in half

blows to the soul

bifurcating their bodies and minds

self-esteem shattered 

like broken glass flung from that mountain top 

to the streets below

seed spread EVERYWHERE

tiny fragmented seed

generations of pain

I never gave up on you

                                                                                             I could see in your eyes

generations of studs

taught to abhor the beauty of their women

to have them

multiples of them

it caused you to transend 

from a weak man 

to a man who passed on that highly communicable plague of impotence

you sat there drunk with the opiates of 

your self-loathing

swimming in the sea of your

insecurities

playing up to your abandonment

reinforcing generations of hardship

HOWEVER

when I see a black man

I see hope

the seed of the Nile

fashioned so lovely

loved and beautiful

when I see a black man

I see strength

the craftiness of God

the wisdom of ancestors

princes and Kings

when I see a black man

I see intelligence

the hallmark of reasoning

intermingled with laughter

Strength and Power

GREAT POWER

when I see you black man

I see me

the bulk of my matter

intertwined with your comeliness

Rhyme and Rythm

Purpose

I see the brilliance of the sun in you

I see the light of the ages

I see the fortitude of the world

The backbone of creation

So You Ask:

After pleasuring you just the way you like it

and waking up to find myself alone 

After crying tears flowing like ravenous floods

and knowing you may never apologize or admit your wrong

After being raped and used

and finding myself immobilized by the  pain

No man understanding my damaged soul

my abused body

My brain says:

Why is it that you persist?

What makes you trust....a black man?

Well,

I do

I will

I shall

continue

 

because I see in you so much of what I see in me

and it makes me love you for your struggles

rather than hate you because of your reactions to them

AND

I refuse to allow one lost creature

to destroy my love for

such an impervious nation

So, baby, when you think about it,

don't waste your breath asking me

Why I never gave up on you

accept my love

relish in it

coddle it like a new born baby

embrace it

and hold me when you need to cry out your anguish

soak my breasts with your stories

trust me with your secrets

fall into me

bring with you 

your broken soul

because in my arms you will discover

both hyssop

and healing salve!

BECAUSE

I never gave up on you...

and I never will

Selah...

Copyright by Yolanda R. Whitted 2010

All Rights Reserved